descriptum50. Happiness

state> sleepless
soundtrack> endless zone - schimbare

So, in my last post, I wrote something about poorness vs. happiness.

They are not completely opposite, I argued. And then I thought about the pursuit of happiness. You know, the most developed nation of this world has stated it as a fundamental right in its bi-secular Constitution.

I'm not a philosopher, so I cannot generalize. I'll just speak my mind. If you want to be happy, you have to know yourself. To know your real needs. Most of us dream of money, cars, wealthy women or men as partners - a vision of an extraordinary inner poorness. If such a dream comes true, it will not bring nor happiness, nor fulfillment; as it is much too limited for that. Many people do not know how to be happy, which is rather normal considering they do not know themselves. Unfortunately, most of the people I know, most of my friends. Most of my family. Thus, it is not by my merit, but due to luck that I once had the vision of my own happiness.

It was around 1994, I was a pupil in the 7th grade and preparing for the high-school. I lived at home, in Bistriţa (and coming to Bucharest only during school vacations), I was playing handball (as a goalkeeper) in the school team and running the bicycle for hours each day, I was working hard in the small company of my family (good hours daily) and I would be playing to the electronic keyboard in my room, late in the evenings.

My parents were still married and I dare say these were the best years they spent together. On Sundays, after the religious service, we would go to a decent pub or we would take the car and go somewhere on the hills (or the mountains) surrounding the city. Sometimes we would spend the entire week-end on the mountains.

A few years later, when my parents were divorced and my mother was out of town, I would run the company by myself for couples of days in her absence during my vacations. And would do it as good as I could - I liked being responsible. All I dreamed of in these times was to finish my studies, go back in Bistriţa and work in that small family company; the dream of being a pilot was long gone at that point. The family company was there, it was what my family's been doing for some years; I guess the way my mother was running things made it seem, somehow, easy, even if it was terribly hard; finally, it was what I liked. You definitely get to know other people when your interaction takes place around money and basic goods; I liked knowing other people.

We were not rich guys or part of a local elite; we were just normal members of the middle-class struggling for our future - and that struggle included even the youngest member of our family. That kept us together and gave us our identity. It also provided most of our moments of happiness.

I consider myself not very happy in this moment, by the way. And a company would not be the answer to my relative "not very happy" state :) I know, though, what a change supposes; it's hard and requires a lot of good choices.

PS. I take this opportunity to tell you, my dear friends, or to remind you, that the next few months will bring along a few trips. Friday I'll be off to Milano, in Italy. Within three weeks I'll go to a congress in Dublin; in August, after the Haggard concert in Transylvania I'll do my best to be on the beach in Turkey. I also plan to visit Timişoara and Chişinău, before autumn. So stay close :)